C F
I came crawling home last night like many nights before
C F
I finally made it to my feet as she opened up the door
C F G7 C
And she said you're not gonna do this anymore
F
She said I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home
C G7
So you'll feel more at ease here and you won't have to roam
C F
We'll take out the dining room table and put a bar along that wall
C G7 C
And a neon sign to point the way to our bathroom down the hall
F
She said just bring your Friday paycheck and I'll cash them
all right here
C
And I'll keep on tap for all your friends their favorite kinds
G7
of beer
C F
And for you I'll always keep in stock those soft aluminum cans
C G7 C
And when you're feeling macho you can crush them like a man
F
She said we'll rip out all the carpet and put sawdust on the floor
C G7
Serve hard boiled eggs and pretzels and I won't cook no more
C F
There'll be Monday night football on T.V. above the bar
C G7
And a pay phone in the hallway when your friends can't find
C
their car
repeat #2
F
She said you'll get friendly service and for added atmosphere
C G7
I'll slip on something sexy and I'll cut it clear to here
C F
Then you can slap my bottom every time you tell a joke
C G7
Just as long as you keep tipping well I'll laugh until
C
you're broke
F
She said instead of family quarrels we'll have a bar-room brawl
C
When the Hamms bear says its closing time you won't have
G7
far to crawl
C F
And when you run out of money you'll have me to thank
C G7 C
You can sleep it off next morning when I'm putting it in the bank
F
She said I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home
C G7
So you can feel more at ease here and you won't have to roam
C F
When you and your friends get off from work and have
a powerful thirst
C G7 C
There won't be any reason why you can't stop off here first
